Strange.  This is what I tell myself when I get this crazy idea that I still may have feelings for someone wayy back.  Okay well maybe not super way back, but someone who def was super special to me.  I know people don't read xanga anymore so I don't really care who reads this.  But as I said in my previous entry, I've taken a lot of time to think about things.  And well, I've realized that I've cared so much more for this one person, who I def shouldn't have, than I did for someone who I SHOULD have cared for as much.  Yeah all jumbled and doesnt really make sense cause I'm writing this like how I'm thinking, or well ok... I guess you can say, I'm still super dooper confused.

Well okay, I don't know if I still have feelings, or I just miss him as a friend.  Whatever it might be... I miss him.   He was always there for me and we clicked so well.  I guess sometimes everything depends on circumstances and timing.  Everythings gotta be just right.  Unfortunately that was one of the main factors of our downfall.  I guess I wonder what things would have been like if the timing was right.  He's with someone else now, and call it selfish and maybe crazy, but I get the feeling sometimes when I'm around him and her, I feel like it isn't real.  The feeling isn't there between them.  Maybe it is and I just can't see it, but I don't know.  Maybe this is just crazy ex-girlfriend talk.  But there are times when you just can't ignore that little voice inside or that feeling that comes from your gut.  I don't know.  I just wish him the best and I hope that everything works out for him.  Its funny cause I feel like karma is making me go thru what he went thru.  I've been helping my friend with a rough break-up and just hearing his story makes me think of everything that I've been thru.  I've been the victim, and I've been the villain.  But I'velearned that whatever you do comes back to you x 10.  Whether good or bad, be sure that you will reap what you sow. 

I'll end this entry with lyrics from a song I heard on the way to work today...and rememer... believe in love, and love will never let you down :)

I need love, love to ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But Momma said

Can't hurry love
No, You'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
You gotta just give it time
No matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches must I stand
Before I find a love
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hanging on
When I feel my strength
Yeah it's almost gone
I remember Momma said

Can't hurry love
You'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness
Will cause my heart, to break

No, I can't bear
To live my life alone
I'm growing impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I
I can't go on
These precious words keep me hanging on
I remember Momma said

Can't hurry love
You'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said just give it time
No matter how long it takes
Gotta Wait....

No love love don't come easy, but I keep on waiting
Anticipating
For that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight

I'll keep waiting
Keep on waiting
But it aint easy
It aint easy
When Momma said

Can't hurry love
No, You'll just have to wait
She said just give it time
No matter how long it takes

Can't hurry love
No, You'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy ...

The fire is burning
The room's all aglow
Outside the December wind blows
Away in the distance the carolers sing in the snow
Everybody's laughing
The world is celebrating
And everyone's so happy
Except for me tonight

Because I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time

I gaze out the window
This cold winter's night
At all of the twinkling lights
Alone in the darkness
Remembering when you were mine
Everybody's smiling
The whole world is rejoicing
And everyone's embracing
Except for you and I

Baby I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time

In the springtime those memories start to fade
With the April rain
Through the summer days
Till autumn's leaves are gone
I get by without you
Till the snow begins to fall

And then I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right...
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time

Be careful what you wish for... cause you just might get it...

"Just think, you're not going to feel this way a week from now..."

"One day you're gonna look back on this whole thing and laugh.  You're gonna ask yourself what the hell were you thinking?"

"Well, apparently he isn't the same person you thought you knew.  People change.  The real world changes people.  Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. So think of this as a good thing.  You wouldn't want to be with someone who he turned out to be.  None of us thought he would ever do anything like that either.  And you need to stop blaming yourself.  It wasn't anything you did or anything you could have done.  You can't make a person act a certain way or make their decisions.  They make their own decisions, and well, he made his decision."

"Honestly it could have been worse.  It was good you got out when you did."

"Cha, what is my mentality for everything?  FUCK IT."

"All  you can do now is focus on yourself.  I know you're still confused but only time will tell the truth."

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"If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free."
John 8:31-32 

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I wish I could finally meet someone with a heart of gold. 

No more shady guys. No more.